Needs more Spice

After watching the NBA Draft last night, I'm convinced it needs something. I mean, if the NBA Draft were a person, and said person was making out a grocery list, the number one thing on it would be "SPICES", written in red ink, really big, and circled about twenty times (crazily, like a kindergartener drawing on your pretty white wall). The Draft is so boring, that David Stern is left to make some jokes/small talk/? with the fans that attended it in person. He called the fans, who booed him the instant the edge of his left dress shoe slipped around the corner out of the back room, "unruly" and made a weak smile following the crowd reaction; a mixture of boos, laughter, and cheers.

I know the whole thing needs to be professional, and I'm all for it...in the actual draft. Let David Stern and company be formal with announcing each pick and all that but the fans at home want more from the ESPN guys doing the television broadcast. Bring in player personalities and let them give their feedback, even retired players (preferably those that are funny). If Charles Barkley isn't held down by his contract with TNT he would be perfect. Can you imagine Charles Barkley interviewing each guy after he gets picked?

Charles: "Hey, Wesley Johnson! What's happening, man? How's it feel to be drafted while wearing those cool looking checkered pants?"
Johnson: "I'm doing well, Chuck. The pants are awesome, but not as cool as your Taco Bell commercial!"
Charles: "Oh thanks, man, you're too kind. I'm sure you will bring so much style up to Minnesota. You guys may not win much, in fact, hardly at all for awhile until that Rubio kid comes over, but you will always look good."

Charles instantly raises any television production's quality up about twelve notches. I'd love to see him, Dwight Howard, and Dwyane Wade all walking around with each other doing the broadcast, interviews and insight. Who would you rather see? An ex-college player who couldn't make it to the NBA, a former coach in the NBA, and a former role player in the NBA talk for four and a half hours or a former NBA all-star and two current all-stars crack jokes and talk for that time? Choice seems clear to me. T-Mobile would endorse it too, giving much more money to ESPN to market their phones!

Back to David Stern. Ever wonder what he does during the Draft? Me too. ESPN gave about a minute long look into what goes on "behind the scenes" on draft day and I got really excited, only to see little more than people on phones, a flustered looking man carrying a slip of paper from the printer to Stern, and Stern walking out onto the stage. I want to know where Stern goes, who he talks to, who tells him how to pronounce the harder names of guys, etc. He had about a year to practice "With the first pick, in the 2010 NBA Draft, the --------- --------- select, John Wall, of the University of Kentucky." Everybody knew Wall would go number one and thankfully his name is incredibly simple to pronounce. But who helps Commissioner Stern learn Tibor Pleiss (of Germany, 31st pick by New Jersey, rights traded to Oklahoma City) or Nemanja Bjelica (of Serbia, 35th overall by Washington, rights traded to Minnesota) in the half a minute before walking out on stage?

Backstage-hand-paper-to-Stern-guy: "Alright, so his name is Pape Sy, of Senegal. Ok, got it? Like "Pap" and than like "See" as "I see you standing next to me" or the letter C. Got it?"
Stern: "Like "Pap" and than like "See". Pape Sy. Got it."

And then, on this occasion, whoever was in control of Stern's microphone turned it on a little bit too soon and we all heard Stern say, "Listen to this" with a weird grin on his face to someone directly in front of the stage, suggesting he thought it was a pretty crazy name. How's that feel as a man from Senegal who is in a foreign country on the biggest day of your life? Imagine if Stern went to Senegal on an "NBA Cares" event or some basketball promotion thing and the lead spokesman said, in French, "Listen to this", while laughing before quickly composing himself and announcing David Stern. I doubt Stern would feel real good at that moment. In fact, he may look more flustered than when he shook the hand of DeMarcus Cousins last night. You could see it written all over his face that he was shaking the hand of a potential trouble-maker coming into his league.

But anyway, the NBA Draft is exciting some years, but this past year just didn't do it. Jay Bilas said on ESPN Radio this morning that the crowd was playing a drinking game in which they would take a drink each time he said "wingspan". Considering that Jay Bilas says "wingspan" for just about every big man or small forward, I would say the real winner on draft night at Madison Square Garden wasn't the Wizards or any other team, but rather whatever big company was selling alcohol. If I were the head coordinator/strategist of a beer company, I'd circle this night on the corporate calendar. Big crowd? Check. Big Crowd who will stay awhile? Check. Big Crowd, full of New York fans, who will stay awhile and be emotional, either good or bad, on who their team picks? Check. Big Crowd...on who their team picks, and strongly dislike the guy who walks on stage thirty times in one night? Check. Sounds like a night of huge sales.

Hopefully next year when the NBA Draft (primarily ESPN's coverage of) goes to the grocery, they remember the spice. Cause right now there isn't much of it. If there was, viewership would be up, and the people who are watching waiting for their favorite college player to be selected wouldn't look forward to the commercial breaks. And the crowd would be far less drunk afterwards...maybe.